You wanna get mad?

I mean really, really, REALLY pissed off? Right now?

Then check out this blog... read the Artist's Statement ("Link 1" and "Link 2" under the picture of the cop car in front of a building).... www.brownequalsterrorist.com

You won't believe what we have become....

Love to all,

Sherry

I haven't forgotten....

I know it must seem like I have forgotten you all lately. I haven't. It's just that I have been so busy living my life the last week or so, that I don't have very much time to write about it. Maybe I will have more time tomorrow. Thanks for hanging in... I will try to make it worth your while.

Love to all,

Sherry

A gift for my readers....

I was thinking about things that I am thankful for this week, and one of those things is YOU! You read my blog all the time, look at the links I post and make comments. Or, you just sort of lurk around and read, which is great! Either way, if you have been reading this blog all this time, you deserve a present! So, in the spirit of the season, click on the following link.... and wait for it, because it takes a little time to load.

http://www.scrolllock.nl/

Love to all,

Sherry

Even the DOLPHINS are friendly in NZ!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6565810

Thanks for the story heads-up, Mom... you are the greatest! I love dolphins. I love New Zealand, too. I can't wait for next year.

I have a TON of other stuff to write about. But not the time to write it in here now. I will come back to it, I swear.

Love to all,

Sherry

Hee hee...

Funny stuff.... click here -----> http://www.blogthings.com/Portland-OR.html

For the folks from Florida -----> http://www.blogthings.com/florida.html

That's about all I have to talk about!

Love to all,

Sherry

Busy, busy, busy...

I have been super busy these last two days at work. I went back on Wednesday, and even though I still felt horrible the entire time, I still managed to meet with a bunch of clients, field a ton of phone calls and handle a two hour meeting reasonably intelligently.

Today I didn't actually see any clients face to face, but I did a bunch of phone consults and staffed a case with one of the caseworkers at that branch. But this case wasn't like any of the others that this particular caseworker had brought me. I knew something was up when she was backing out of my doorway saying, "Whenever you have a minute..." Inconsistent body language is a big indicator of something being wrong. When your body is doing something different from what your mouth is saying, there is usually a problem. She wanted to staff a case with me, but her body didn't want to be in the room. Now I know why.

She wanted to talk to me about her own daughter.

She came to me and asked me if I thought there was anything else she could do to get her daughter to leave her abusive boyfriend. I gave her every idea I had, but I don't know if it will do any good. If the girl isn't ready, then she just isn't ready. I consider it one of the highest compliments imaginable that this caseworker approached me to tell her story, though. She told me about her own abuse history, her fears for her daughter, and everything she had tried to tell the girl to help her leave, up until now. To take the personal parts of yourself into your professional life in this type of environment is a big risk. And she trusted me enough to approach me for help. That's twice now that I have wanted to cry with relief that this job is really working... I remember when I started that I had a lot of worries about whether or not the caseworkers would trust me.

I guess they do.

Today, as result of that, and as a result of some of the more horrific stories I heard from DV victims, I feel blessed. I felt blessed when that caseworker trusted me enough to talk with me. I felt blessed when I realized how lucky I am in to be in a gentle, loving relationship with someone who loves me for me... not because he can boss me around or hurt me. I am so thankful for my life. For all the beauty I get to see in the world each day. There was a HUGE rainbow outside my office today. And tons of bright red leaves all over bright green grass in front of my window. I came home to a beautiful golden dog with a big happy grin. And pretty soon I will get to look into the amazing green eyes of the man I love. It doesn't get much better than that.

Thanks for reading everyone! I am so glad that I get to share my little life with such wonderful people.

Love to all,

Sherry

P.S.- If you want to read a neat blog about some folks from Seattle who are currently visiting New Zealand, go to www.tackymagnet.com
They have taken some fantastic photos so far, and had great things to say about their time in country. They are both friends of Franz's, and by extension, mine. So, check 'em out. :)

The latest and greatest....

Well, here is how things are going with me at the moment. I am still at home, still sick... but I feel a bit better today. I think I will go back tomorrow. If for no other reason than to escape all the work I have created for myself here at home.

In a fever-induced delirium, I decided to vacuum today. It's something that I always mean to do on the weekends, but never get around to. So, since I was at home feeling miserable and sorry for myself, as well as watching crap on TV, I thought to myself, "You may as well get some things done around here. You'll feel better if you at least TRY to be productive." So, I decided to do a real bang-up job of it, pull out Buddy's kennel and vacuum behind it and everything. So, I pulled out his kennel from behind the giant post and TV stand and started to vacuum everything back there. I happened to look down at the white casing and saw what every homeowner (or girlfriend to a homeowner) dreads... black mold on the casings of ALL the windows. Now, for those of you who haven't seen the windows at my place, they are floor to ceiling windows encircling pretty much the whole place. It's nice for the view, but a bitch to clean. And there was mold all over them. I got to looking closer and it appears that this had been an issue before... because parts of the carpet had been replaced close to the windows and also parts of the ceiling had been repainted to cover up a mold problem in the past. How do I know this, you might ask? Well, because the mold is growing back.... through the paint.

Just lovely.

I gave Franz a call, and he was concerned. I let the home owners association know, and they were not. After due consideration, we got their standard line, "Sounds like an owner issue to me." Meaning that, once again, I can see no reason for the HOA dues Franz pays each month. Every single thing that we have brought up to them has always been "an owner issue". If it happens inside your walls, it's your deal. Well, I have a silly little question. Where the hell else are things going to go wrong that I am going to care about it? The lobby?!?! The lobby could be a fucking CAVE made of mildew and I would still just hold my breath and walk right through it... I don't have to live there. The place where I have to live is the place that I want them to care about! And, of course, they don't. The good news is, though, that they have very well written bylaws, rules and regs to show why they are of no use to me or Franz. Which is always helpful.

Anyways, so my little 10-15 minutes of vacuuming turned into three hours of scrubbing the windows, their casings and anything else I could get my hands on with Windex and Lysol wipes. Oh, and vacuuming. I am exhausted, frustrated and even more ache-ridden than when I started. And even though I have been done for a few hours now, and opened the windows to let all the cleaning smell out, I am still dizzy and a little nauseous. Ick.

Serves me right for trying to be productive when I am sick. I should have just stayed on the couch and watched the E! True Hollywood Story of Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot.

That's all for now. Hope this post finds everyone happy and healthy... and in a "mold-free" home.

Love to all,

Sherry

I am sick...

I woke up this morning with a raging sore throat and a fever. Now I am sneezing and coughing my head off. And my sinuses hurt. (sigh)

It's winter time again, folks.

Why do people celebrate this time of year? I mean, let's think about this rationally for a moment.

"Do you mean to tell me that there is a certain time of year that the nights will be longer- so I am sure to feel like I should be hibernating by 7:30pm?! That I will be going to and coming home from work all in the dark (or near dark)?! That there is really a time of year when it is just cloudy, rainy and cold all the time- so much so that I will be forced to stay indoors with other people most of time or risk freezing my ass off?! Without being able to open ANY windows to let in that pesky fresh air?! Oh, and please tell me that it's true that at least a few of these people will have contagious diseases and will ALSO (no doubt) want to shake my hand?!?!"

WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!?!?! THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!!

(sigh) Stupid winter time. (cough, sniffle)

And, oh yeah, my ears hurt, too.

Love to all,

Sherry

Why I Don't Write More Often....

It's because I read other people's blogs. It is exciting and self-defeating all at the same time. I get to see into all of these other lives. And, very often, they all seem so much more interesting than my little life. The competitor in me knows when I have been beaten, and I stop before I even start. So, there's that.

Then there are things that I would love to talk about and just can't. Like my job. Can't really say anything about it. It is heating up, however. I am getting busier and busier. Which is exciting. I love my work. I am glad that I am getting to help more people. At the same time, there are all these picky little administrative and contractual details that I have to contend with the State about. I hate that part. It is such bullshit... penny pinching and griping and moaning about the smallest little details. If I had wanted to be a cost accountant, I would have done that. All I wanted to do was to work to help people... that is what I chose to do, that is what I was hired to do, and that is what I wish more than anything else that they would just let me freakin do.

And then there is Franz. There is so much I can't say about him. I decided before I started this blog that there would be certain aspects of our life together that would be completely off limits. Things like fights, our sex life, insider jokes, etc. Private stuff that, even in today's world of Oprah and telling the world about your feelings on blogs, should still stay private. But it is hard because when you are blissfully, insanely happy, you want to tell the whole world about it. And I am... believe me, I am. Blissfully. Insanely. Happy. He is a God among mere mortal men. Nuff said on that.

The only really interesting thing that I have to talk about is New Zealand. The woman from the DV agency in Auckland wrote back to me, detailing sources of funding not only for her agency but also nationwide, as well as a ton of info about her particular agency and the hiring situation in country. It sounds like they have a really comprehensive program, which is exciting. She said that they keep two advocates out-stationed at the largest hospitals. Which I think is a terrific idea. It was an idea floating at the back of my head, but I hadn't really given it full thought until then. See? New ideas and I'm not even there, yet.

Also, it looks like it is going to be easier to get my visa than I thought. The NZIS (New Zealand Immigration Service) is loosening it's restrictions on the points system to send in your "Expression of Interest" in becoming a resident on December 13th, 2004. I already had over the required 100 points by virtue of my degree, the fact that they are short of social workers and a few other things. But Franz was going to be squeaking by to try to catch 100. Now it looks like we will both be able to apply without either of us being disproportionately "top-heavy". I really didn't want to take a chance on one of us being approved and the other not. Now it looks like that is less of a concern. So, woo hoo! Looks like God is smiling on our endeavor. :)

Well, Franz is almost out of the shower. He just got back from playing soccer. We have to go eat something. I am starved. I hope that this post finds everyone out there happy and healthy!

Love to all,

Sherry

Nightsweats and a kick ass website....

Good evening all!

Well, I am on my own tonight. Franz is playing soccer and Buddy is wiped out from doggie daycare. So I have a few free moments to write.

I had something strange happen to me very early this morning. I must have had a nightmare, because I woke up exhausted and I had sweat completely through my sheets. The ones beneath me and on top of me! But, and this is not like me at all, I don't remember a single thing. I always remember my dreams. Usually in pretty good detail, too. Not this time. Not a bit. It kinda has me concerned.

I have developed a theory, though. I think my subconscious just processed the fact that Bush got re-elected, well, elected for the first time, anyway.

Anyway, I think it finally figured it out and sent the signal to my body to be completely and utterly terrified. And, of course, my body listened to it because, well, it's the brain... it's supposed to be smart. My body listened in spite of the fact that it already knew he had gotten elected because it already went through the tummyache and all the assorted aches and pains associated with horrific disappointment. But, no, the subconscious had to take some time to come to grips with it. And I ended up with a terribly uncomfortable and clammy morning as a result.

(sigh)

Anyway, I found a kick ass website, thanks to my friend Cassandra. It is as follows: http://72.3.131.10

It has about a million pictures of people holding up small signs, everything from Post It Notes to cardboard posters saying that they are sorry that Bush got elected. In essence, thousands of Americans are apologizing to the world for what Bush is going to do in the next four years. But, as interesting as that is, that is not the best part. The best part is all the people in other countries that are holding up posters of their own saying that they understand, and they don't hate us and they are sorry, too. And lots are offering couches, rooms in their homes and free meals/beer to anyone who wants to come and stay with them in Germany, Canada, etc. It is heartwarming to see that people understand that we tried our hardest, and that they don't hate America as a result of our failure to put the better man in office.

I love the world. I love the people in it. I hope we all make it these next four years. And I hope we learn from the mistakes of 2004.

Love to all,

Sherry

Copying my old CD's

Today I am feeling kind of sickly, so I decided to stay in and copy all my old CD's onto my hard drive. Eventually I might convert them over to mp3 format and get an mp3 player for my car. I hate listening to the radio here. I have over 115 hours of music stored on my computer right now... I think I could make some pretty good playlists.

As a direct consequence of all this copying, I am rediscovering all my old Tori Amos albums. I know that some people think that she is just the ultimate in pretentious uppity white chick screeching, but I like her music. I enjoy it quite a bit actually. Hell, people could probably call me pretentious, too. Doesn't mean anything to me. See if I care. And, oh yeah, bite me. :)

I am to the H's in my collection. I have been copying since about 3 pm this afternoon. PJ Harvey's "To Bring You My Love" is spinning its way into my C:/ drive right now. I am starting to think that I have a few too many CD's. I bet I will have over 200 hours of music stored by the time I get done with this. Should be interesting.

Next I will have to start trying to figure out what my collection is lacking. Then I can make my Christmas list! (big grin) Well, that's about all for now. Gin Blossoms are playing now. I have to go spiral perm my hair and put on something flourescent that hangs off one shoulder. Nineties stuff rocks! Hee hee....

Love to all,

Sherry

A Letter From My Mom...

Mom, I hope you won't mind, but I decided to post the email you sent to me today.

>Sherry, I just read your blog. I wish I still had my cell phone so I could call you. I hope that >you will think this thing through. You are talking about leaving your country, your family, >your way of life and your new career. We have had bad presidents before and survived. I >don't know if things are any different now than they have been in dark periods of our history >before but to leave your country...that's so extreme. I have such great respect for your >opinion that I am even a little frightened but....you will be so very far away. I really just don't >know what to think right now. I love you so much. Mom

Now you know why I love my Mom so much... and now you know why she is such a great person. You'll note she doesn't say, "Don't do it!!" Or, "You're crazy!" She just asks me to think about it, and then tells me that she has so much respect for my opinion. I love you, Mom.

There are lots of reasons why I want to go to New Zealand... you know, from here on out, I think I will just start calling it NZ... it's a pain in the butt to spell it out over and over again. Anyways, there are lots of reasons... here are a few.

1) Franz- this is the country that Franz has been talking about moving to for over a year now. I love the boy. Where he goes, I go. Simple as that. When I told him that I loved him, I also told him that I would follow him to the ends of the Earth, and that my home was wherever he was. He has decided to take me up on it. He's earned my loyalty. He's earned my love and my respect. I can't think of a place much closer to the end of the Earth than NZ... and since that is where he will be, that is where my home will be, too.

2) My career- moving to another country is a fantastic opportunity to broaden my horizons and get ideas about how social services are administered in other countries. When and if I return to America, I will be such an asset to any organization I end up with because I will have all that extra knowledge. I know how they do it here. I will know how they do it over there. Who knows what fresh insights I could bring to social work? Also, I will have the opportunity to observe a completely different culture's reaction to the problem of domestic violence. Who knows what this could change for me? I think it will make me even more marketable in the future. I have already made contact with a DV agency in Auckland. I am waiting to hear back as to what kinds of regulations and requirements they have to work with clients over there.

3) I love my country. Yes, you heard right, I love my country. And this is not it. I love the America I grew up with. You knew that politicians were often corrupt, but you could almost always stop them from getting away with anything too terrible. Today, they are doing horrible things, and we see it every night on the news... and we are letting them get away with it! Hell, they are even getting re-elected to continue doing it! There is a Republican president in office with a Republican majority House and Senate. The next four years are going to see political decisions that will cause social changes that will set us back about 50 years or so. A woman's right to choose will very likely be a thing of the past by 2008. Violence against women, gays and children will probably be at an all time high. Right now, 1 in 4 black men are behind bars... by the time 2008 rolls around, I predict it will be closer to 1 in 3. The next four years are going to see record setting deficits and a weak, sluggish economy... unless you work for Halliburton. Funding for social programs of all kinds will be slashed... with the resulting social consequences to follow. The next four years are going to see a complete and total lack of respect for and confidence in America in the eyes of the world. When we went to war in the past, we were protectors, or allies. Now the world sees as bullies and aggressors. Even the image of America, as the land of the free and the home of the brave, as a place where you could make it if you only worked hard enough, will be tarnished by the next four years. We are carving out a place for ourselves as most hated among other nations. You could read a book like "1984" and still think that they were only talking about the Russians. Today, "1984" could be as much of a commentary on America and the Patriot Act as it was on Russia then. Did I mention the possibility of the draft? Did I mention I love Franz?

Anyway, it is also because I love my country that I can't stand by and watch it be destroyed like this. They are burning the land and salting the Earth, people. And we are all just watching. Going to Walmart and McDonalds, driving our SUV's and fiddling while Rome burns. I am too small to change what is happening. And the bad guys are too big. I did my bit. I voted. I lost. Why should my taxes pay for a government that doesn't represent me or what I stand for?

And if enough good Americans go abroad and do good deeds, maybe word will spread that we aren't all a bunch of war-mongering, hate-filled, polluting bastards who take up too much of the world's resources and don't do enough to protect the environment or anyone who isn't male, white, Christian and straight. Maybe enough of us could turn the tide of negative perception.

4) It's an adventure! I am 31 years old. I have been out of the country exactly once in my life... and that was just a few months ago! I have never left my continent, or flown over an ocean (the Gulf of Mexico doesn't count!), or been some place that I didn't speak one word of the language. I knew a little French when I went to Canada. I know a bunch of Spanish. I can't speak a single word of Maori. Thank God, NZers speak English... but there is also a whole fascinating culture of the native Maori people to learn about. Not to mention that fact that this is another British colony... won't it be exciting to learn how they gained their independence without having their whole culture based on war and fear? I will get to go conquer a new country, a new world, really. And I will learn so much. Gaining knowledge like this is what makes life worth living. It will make me feel young again... useful and vital. You can't be bored by and trudge through a day when you don't know what is going to happen next. That is what adventure is all about.

5) Now here is the only reason not to leave... my family. And the few friends I have managed to make over the years. I love you all so very, very much. But I know that each of you would want to see me happy, even if that meant being in another country, rather than see me unhappy and staying in the US. In the last year, there has probably not been a single day that has gone by that I haven't seen something on the news that has made me feel sad about the way my country is being destroyed. I have cried more tears since 9/11 than I would care to admit. It was senseless, needless, and could have been avoided. And as long as we continue to pursue this policy of pre-emptive strikes against possible foes... well, news like this just isn't going to stop. There will be more attacks, and less sympathy from the rest of the world. We are isolating ourselves during a time in human history when we desperately need to be reaching out to other countries to create peace. Remember, guys... fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. It just doesn't make any sense. And all of this makes me sad. I hate to see what is happening to America, to the people in it, and to the people around the world because of it. And to know that, in some small way, I am a part of it? That's just unacceptable. I think I will be happier in another country. And I'll be back. I'll come back to visit... maybe even to live someday.

But, right now, it's time for a change. I'm happy with the choices I have made. They are the product of a lifetime of learning and experience. I have chosen well.... a good man, a good dog, and a good career that I enjoy doing and doesn't make me bored. I can be happy anywhere... anywhere but here. And everything that I know inside of me says that now is the time.

I love you, Mom. And I will always be there for you if you ever need me. I will bring you to NZ if you ever decide you want to come. When it comes down to it, it's just a few more hours on a plane. I will still call you on the phone when I see beautiful Fall leaves, or when the sun is shining and the weather is perfect. I will still call you when I have had a crappy day and I just want to bitch. I will still send you pictures of Buddy and Franz, and always, always tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am to you for raising me the way you did.

You gave me the sense to see and appreciate the beauty of the world, and the strength to follow my heart.

That's what I am going to go do.

Love to all,

Sherry

No... NO... NO!!!!!

I can’t fucking believe it! John Kerry, why are you giving up on us? Why aren’t you fighting for us? You are going to concede?!?! Whatever happened to "It ain’t over until the fat lady sings?" They said it might take 11 days to count Ohio. What about all the absentee ballots? You and Edwards said you would fight to make sure that every vote counts and every vote was counted. And you are giving up on us before they are! What’s the rush? You guys spent millions to campaign to get our votes... why are you in such a hurry to give up before they are counted?

I am so confused. I am heartsick and despondent. This is not my country anymore.

It’s like I went to bed one night in America and woke up the next night in Bizzaro World.

The "good" people of Oregon voted to add an amendment to our constitution to ban gay marriage in our state. They amended our constitution *specifically to discriminate against a group of people*... to keep them from getting married. To keep them from being able to get joint health insurance. To keep them from being able to visit their loved one in the hospital. To keep them from creating families. Where the hell did we go wrong? We have the second highest unemployment rate in the nation. We have other, much bigger, problems. And what do we do? Add an amendment to hurt people!! Make perfect sense, right?

I thought people here were educated. I thought people here were liberal. I was happy living here... I felt like the people around me felt the same way I did on the major issues.

They don’t. There is nothing more enlightened or intelligent about this state than there is about the rest of America. At least we voted for Kerry. Maybe Oregon isn’t a total lost cause. But the rest of it? Everyone voted differently than I did. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I can’t be the only one who is paying attention. I can’t be the only one who believes people should be equal. Who believes all the votes should be counted before the candidates we fought for quit fighting for us.

I know one other person who feels the way I do. Me and him, we are going to form a "coalition of the willing". We are going to go take over another country and do it all over again... this time, we are going to get it right. People in our new country aren’t going to discriminate against each other. We aren’t going to destroy the environment to profit big business. We are going to have honest news agencies that do real investigative reporting. We are going to have a government flooded in sunshine so bright that they won’t be able to do anything without the people knowing about it and approving of it.

And we will call it.... New Zealand.

Love to all,

Sherry

A Peaceful Exchange of Political Power...

When Hoover was leaving office, and FDR was stepping in, people talked about the importance of a peaceful exchange of political power. When everything was going wrong in the world around them, these two men managed to uphold one the fundamental stregths of democracy... a peaceful exchange of power. No carnage, no coup d'etat, no blood on American streets.

This is what I am hoping for tonight.

I am not watching any of the "news" coverage. Seeing even a few red states would just make me too depressed. I wish we could have an answer by morning, but I don't think that we will. I am kind of glad that we won't, though. It means that they will, at least, be pretending to count all the votes this time.

I hope that if Bush wins, people will be able to maintain their cool with the situation. I don't think it's out of the question to believe that there could be riots. The people who do hate him, really hate him that much.

I sat on the stage with Hillary Clinton when she came to speak at my first college. In her speech she was talking about Dubya's father when she said something like, "Can you imagine what the world will look like the day after the election? Picture it... you wake up, go outside, the sky is gray and cloudy, and you pick up the morning paper and it says, "Four More Years." Or, you could wake up, go outside to a sunny day with the birds singing (this got a laugh), and see the headline that says, "A New Day Dawns." And we will all get to see the peaceful exchange of power working, once again, in this great experiment we call democracy."

I remember thinking, "Good speech. I wonder if she wrote it?" I don't know if she did or not. But I have remembered it for, well, it's been about 12 years now. So, it was a pretty damn good speech.

I pray that a new day will dawn, if not tomorrow, then very soon.

I pray that democracy will work again.

I pray that we will have a peaceful exchange of power.

Love to all,

Sherry