Here is 112...

This is my 112th post to this blog. Hard to believe I have had this much to say.

**** "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones ****

I am already bored with staying home all the time. I have applied for more than a few jobs, only one of them is something that I am very excited about. It's a job working with both dogs and homeless kids... how does it get any better than that? They haven't called or written back, though. So frustrating.

**** "Miss Me Blind" by Culture Club ****

I am steadily working my way through my three page, single spaced "to do" list. I imagine I am almost 25-30% done with everything. We finally chose the photos for the wedding album. It was a complicated process that included at least three secret ballots, and not so much arguing as serious discussions of the merit of lighting in certain shots, choosing pictures of inanimate objects vs. people, etc. Hard choices. We had to narrow it down to 100 from over 450 really good shots. Well, when everything was said and done we couldn't get it below 104, but that's close enough. They should have a layout to us in about a month or so. I can't really blame them if it takes longer than that... after all, it took us 5 months just to send them the list.

**** "Teardrop" by Massive Attack ****

I can't listen to this song without thinking of the show "House, MD". God, that is a really good show. The main actor is British, but he does a spot-on American accent. To the point that I was surprised to hear him speak in an interview. Brilliant!

It makes me think of an idea I was kicking around the other day. You know how actors make a business of choosing to be someone else? What if we all did that? What if we could change any aspect of ourselves at any time? Why do I speak with an American accent? "Duh, because you grew up in America." Yeah, I also grew up in the South, but I can lose that accent at will... and very often do. So, why do I not simply choose a different accent? When I have been watching British shows or Irish shows, or whatever, I often find myself imitating their accents without thinking of it. I have seen people be one person when they are with one group of people, and a different one with others. I am not sure if the advantages of this strategy outweigh the risks. Maybe you would wake up one day and not know who you were. Nonetheless, perhaps if I had been better able to "fake" a happy, cheerful, less introverted personality, I would not have left my last job. How much of how we live our lives is because of what we choose to put out there? How much would change if we put out something different?

**** "83" by John Mayer ****

It's funny the way things get interpreted. I don't like the taste of beer. So, when we went out with a bunch of Franz's friends from a previous job to some bar before a party, I ordered a Cosmopolitan. It didn't occur to me that I would be perceived as any different from anyone else at the table, even though I was the only one drinking something other than beer. It's all alcohol as far as I'm concerned. One of the girls at the table, though, said the sweetest thing. She said, "What is that?" I said, "Oh, it's a Cosmopolitan... it's a vodka drink." She said, "Oh, that's so classy. I wish I could be more like that!" I thought to myself, "Me? Classy?? I don't feel classy... I feel normal." I almost said, "Well, we could get you one, too." The unspoken end of that sentence being "... and then you would seem classy, too." I decided not to say it, I didn't want to lessen or cheapen her perception of me. I would have essentially been telling her that "classiness" is not what you drink, it's how you are. I couldn't take a chance on hurting a person's feelings like that. She was younger than me... and to be honest, it was nice to be looked up to for a moment. I have often thought of that moment... I was sitting there feeling out of place and significantly older than the rest of group, a little frumpy and like I had nothing interesting to say. And yet, at least one person thought I was classy. Weird, huh? How different the world is from how you perceive it. Maybe that is all depression is... just a perception.

**** "Come Together" by The Beatles ****

Well, I need to get moving... do something useful with my day. I feel like I am coming down with a cold, and I don't really feel like doing a damn thing. I can't think of the last time I took a shower. The days all just run together into a meaningless blur. I need to take one soon, though. I am pretty sure these jeans could stand up by themselves right now. Or at least do a passable imitation of me lounging on the couch, typing my blog. Plus, I don't like the way I smell right now.... clean would be better.

Classy indeed. (sigh)

**** "Jungle Boogie" by Kool and the Gang ****

Hope everyone out there is happy and healthy!

Sherry