**** Can't you hear me knockin' ? ****

**** Rolling Stones spinning on my hard drive... the night can't be all bad. ****

So, husband says I should write. He says he thinks I am happier when I write.

Says he, "I wish you would write more."

Says me, "You just want me to write more porn."

Says he, "Ummm... excuse me, it's *erotica*!!"

Says me, "Doesn't matter, I don't write it when I am getting some on a regular basis. It's only an outlet for when I'm not."

Thinking, then says he, "Well, maybe you could write something else. I think you are happier when you are writing and being creative."

Says me, "I just can't think of anything I want to say."

And it's still true. That's why nothing has been on this blog in, well, forever in Internet time. What can I say about the world that everyone who listens to NPR doesn't already know? Bush sucks, Cheney is a gun toting lunatic and they both have far more power than they should. And the press has turned into entertainment, and entertainment has turned into the only source of well researched truth.. well, sometimes, at least.

I have to say, though, at least shows like "Entertainment Tonight" are honest. They are selling a product called "New, Hot, and Buy Me" and they make no apologies for it. At least they aren't calling in "fair and balanced".

**** "Overkill" by Men at Work, another reason to keep going. :) ****

I am out of work again. I caught a library job briefly, but had no concept of how truly boring it would be. I thought, "Surrounded by books... what could go wrong??" Well, unfortunately, I never had time to get a bunch of the books, I saw them as they were walking out the door. And the people I work with tended to not actually READ them. My supervisor read John Grisham, though. I didn't have the heart to tell her that doesn't count. (Because he sucks.) (Yeah, that's right, I said it!!)

One of my favorite couples just announced their upcoming wedding using one of the most original invitation ideas I think I have ever seen. I was a strip of photos, the kind that look like they were taken in a photo booth, and in each one they were holding up a sign that said something about the wedding... like the date, where it will be, etc. They are both such beautiful people, to look at the pictures of them smiling is almost heartbreakingly beautiful. I am so happy to see C happy. I remember the days when his blogs weren't so happy, and now his posts are shorter and further in between. As far as I'm concerned, that is a good thing... it means he is out living life with his lady love instead of being cooped up with a computer and being introspective.

I guess that is another reason I haven't posted in so long... there has been too damn much going on. Let's see, here is the brief run down from last September to now...

* Got married to the love of my life- check.
* Completed a dream honeymoon/ trip to a place I have always wanted to go, Fiji - check.
* Had to call or write everyone I have ever done business with or known and update them to my new name - check.
* Moved out of the condo and into the new/old house - check. (I feel so lucky to live here that I have to pinch myself every once in a while.)
* Had to call or write everyone I have ever done business with or known and update them to my new address - check.
* Had to get house stuff unpacked and organized, well I can't say "check" for that one... I don't think it will ever be done.
* Had to open gifts and send out "thank you" cards... check, but this took WAY too long to get done. :(
* Got the new job and left the job- check.
* Forced my very patient husband to watch all five seasons of "Angel" with me - check.
* I am working on recording all the episodes of "Good Eats" for said husband - check, well, half check. There are 9 seasons of Good Eats with about 22 episodes in each season... it's going to take a while.

Hope I'm not forgetting anything.

**** "The Dream Police" by Cheap Trick... just for the giggle factor. ****

I have a 3 page "to do" list that I am quietly working my way through. Today was try to clean up the white carpet around Buddy's doggie bed where his muddy little paws have hung off and messed everything up. I worked on it for 2.5 hours, but it just mostly looks like I pushed around the dirt. We got a rug to cover up the carpet from here on out.

**** "Never Gonna' Give You Up" by Barry White. Am I the only one who views his voice as just a little "indecent"? But, in a good way. :) ****

I guess the biggest thing that has happened lately is that Franz found a P2P site for Apple that you can use to download songs, movies, etc. I have been a downloading demon, and I have gotten a song list of almost 500 songs that I think are cool, or funny, or kitschy. Songs I used to love in the 80's, things I used to roller skate to as a girl, songs I loved in high school, college, etc. That's alot of what you will see in my **** song lists **** on my posts from here on out. Maybe you will run across something you used to love and just forgot about.... that has happened to me a lot lately. It's a little rush when you find something you thought you lost. In my case, alot of it has turned out to be music.

**** "Breaking The Girl" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. ****

The depression has gotten worse in recent months even though, paradoxically, I am happier with the course of my life than I have ever been. I finally decided to increase the Wellbutrin dosage to double what I was taking. My doc said I was taking less than most people already, so now I am coming up to what is supposedly a "standard" dosage of the medicine. We shall see. I have noticed much more violent mood swings when I drink alcohol... uncontrollable crying and despair exactly two days after having a drink. Takes me a few days to recover from that, so it is easier to just not drink. It's not worth the temporary social lubrication and good time feelings you get the night you have the drinks. It's too bad, too... I was really starting to get a taste for different vodkas. :(

I also quit caffeine again. Which is funny, because we went out tonight and I had some for the first time since Jan 1st. I just couldn't bear to drink Sierra Mist. I am paying for it now, though. It's 3:30 in the morning and I am wide awake. Wonder what will happen in two days?

**** "Vertigo" by U2... I still love the lads from Ireland. I can overlook the "uno, dos, tres, catorce" if you can. :) ****

Speaking of, "It's everything I wish I didn't know"... job hunting has lost all sense of sport for me. There is nothing out there I want. And Oregon is very different from Florida when it comes to applying for jobs. You apply, and if you are lucky you might hear something back in a month or two. If you aren't, you get a card that says, "We got your app and we put it on file." Translation, "You will never hear anything else from us again." At this point, I have held so many different jobs- I think I am right around 34 or 35 right now- that I am hopelessly jaded and can tell you exactly why I will end up quitting the job just from the ad. Let me give you an example, a medical office that describes their working environment as being "like a family" means that people will want to get inappropriately close to you very quickly, the office as a whole is dysfunctional and at least one person there will be borderline psychotic. In the same way families don't talk about the "black sheep", that is how this person will be regarded by other staff members. And, God help you if you pose a question about or offer a reason for said person's mental problems, like "So, how long has she been borderline?" or "Do you suppose she was abused as a child?" That will get you bounced in a heartbeat. They lull you in with the "We talk about *everything* in this office... tell us your whole life story..." and close you out with the "how can you be so insensitive?" I don't think that is insensitive. I think walking up to the person and saying it would be insensitive. And I would never do that. Unless I was looking to get fired. :)
(Which for the record has happened only 3 times in my history. 3 out of 35 can't be bad, right?)

**** "Here Comes the Rain Again" by the Eurythmics. God, can you get a purer voice than Annie Lennox? ****

So, you need another example? How about an ad that says they are looking for a "team player" who is a "self starter". That means you will have little to no supervision and even less training, and you will be expected to read your most-of-the-time- absent bosses' mind about what you should be doing. And if you guess wrong, and don't do what you were supposed to do, you are going to be in BIG trouble. And "team player" means you take the hits for whatever your boss screws up, as well as your coworkers attitude that "since you are the new person we are going to try to shove off as much work on you as possible so we don't have to do it".

See why I don't want to be back out there?

**** "Sunshine In A Bag" by Gorillaz. Hee hee... I'm hip. ****

Oh, and by the way, NEVER EVER work in a medical office where there is only one male doctor and all female office workers. That is the equivalent of a work-world harem and it gets ugly QUICK.

**** "Nara" by E.S. Posthumus... beautiful piece, very calming, yet at the same time feels like you are taking a journey. ****

That last song is a side effect of trying to find a song from an HBO commercial from a few years ago. I have learned about just about every OTHER song ever played in an HBO commercial, but not the one I want. Pisses me off. I can find damn near anything on the 'net, but I can't find the name of this song. Grrrrr Arrrrgh....

**** "Sexy MF" by Prince. Well, "artist formerly known as" blah, blah, blah... I know the man is talented, but, umm... pretentious much? Get over yourself, my tiny friend. You're Prince. ****

Speaking of, what the hell is going on with Michael Jackson? Oh right, I forgot, I don't care. Idiot.

Do you supposed his nose is still attached? (Now, see, that was just insensitive.)

Do you suppose his kids *haven't* been molested yet? (That was probably worse.)

**** "Careless Whisper" by Wham! Ahhh, the stuff 14 year old female fantasies are made of.... and apparently male ones, too. ****

I had some knock down, drag out arguments with male friends in high school about good old George's sexual orientation. I discovered the quickest way to end that argument was "You are just jealous." He would invariably say, "Why would I be jealous of a fag?" (It's ugly word, but it was always the one used.) I would say, "Because of 'what if'." He would look puzzled and say, "What if what?" I would say, "What if you are wrong and he is straight? That would mean he is getting more women in this short stretch of his life than it is likely that you EVER will get. And most men can't stand the idea of someone else being that blessed with sexual partners. You NEED him to be gay because you can't stand the 'what if'. " That would usually get a snort, and sometimes a "You are crazy" or a "You are a weird chick." People don't like it when you use psychology on them. To that I say, "Don't try to mess with my boy if you don't want me traipsing around inside your brain pan."

Well, I guess I should get going. I won't make any promises about how often I will post. We all know I wouldn't keep them if I didn't have anything to say. I hope everyone out there is happy and healthy. See you soon-ish!!

Sherry

P.S.- If you don't know who Dane Cook is, you are missing out on the funny, big time. Check him out.

P.P.S.- **** "No One Is To Blame" by Howard Jones. ****