Sinus infections and pissy moods....

Well, here we are again, folks. Turns out the reason why I have been so overwhelmingly tired is because the sinus infection that I thought I had gotten rid of was just hibernating for a week or two. And now it is back full swing. My head hurts so much more than usual, I just find it difficult to describe it. I guess the best way to describe it is that it hurts to open my eyes too wide. So I keep them squinted at about half mast. I feel like someone has put my head in a vice if I do more than that. If I keep them partially closed, it only feels like someone is sitting on my head. And I also have absolutely NO appetite. Because a Sherry won't eat what a Sherry can't smell.

You know, I don't think I ever mentioned this on this blog, but I have been dealing with a recurring, low level sinus infection for about 18 years now. It started when I was about 12 or 13. I used to get chronic nosebleeds. I went to see a specialist in Ocala, but he was a quack that was trying to gouge my Mom for money. So I stopped going. We saw a different doctor and he advised a simple, more naturopathic treatment, that did actually stop the nosebleeds for a few years.

For the first year and a half that I lived in Oregon, I had almost no problems with my sinuses. I felt I had moved to heaven. Maybe it was just something about Florida? Maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that my father had smoked in the house all around me from the time I was born until I moved out at age 16? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Then I caught my first cold. Which devolved into a sinus infection. And it has been pretty constant ever since.

The last doctor I saw for this before I left Florida talked about sinus surgery. Taking a fiberoptic camera with little lasers at the end of it and going in to fix whatever the blockage or problem is that makes it so easy for me to get a sinus infection. All I could remember was that quack who had jammed a similar instrument several *feet* into my head without anesthetic, and the pain that caused. I remembered how sweaty my hand was as I gripped my mother's in pain, and the tears that were running down my cheeks as he tortured me- all for the purpose of having "a little look-see." Now they wanted to do the same thing over again, but with lasers? And no guarantee of relief, or success? I don't think so, doc... and I think you know what you can do with your long, tube like apparatus.

In addition, he recommended food and other allergy testing. If I was allergic to say, something like a particular dairy food, I could simply stop eating that food and it would lessen the infections I got. And if I was allergic to something unavoidable in the environment, then they could give me a shot every month to stop the allergy from causing sinus infections. Well, there were several problems with this, as far as I was concerned. First of all, he described the test as sticking *multiple* needles in my arm.... then waiting to see which pinpricks swelled up, turned red, etc. Unacceptable. And then the possibility that one of those needles would tell me that I couldn't eat pizza any more? Unacceptable. And oh, even if it turns out you are just allergic to something like dust? More needles!! Every month!! Long term.

Big time unacceptable. I just could not see how this made my life more bearable. So, you want to stick needles in me to either:
a) figure out what else I should be depriving myself of, or
b) so you can stick more needles in me.

I don't think so.

So, now here we are years and years later. Tons of antibiotics taken, tons of bed rest, tons of naturopathic remedies tried. The most interesting of which is called a Neti pot. It is a smallish, teapot-looking thing. You fill it with salty water, lean your head down and to the side over a sink, and use the spout of the pot to pour water into one side of your nose, until it fills up all the sinuses in your head and pours out the other side of your nose. Sounds horrible, right? I have still done it multiple times, trying to get rid of this pain.

And it is back again. It has been years since I have bothered to try to see a specialist for this. I think I am ready to try again. Maybe they will have some new technology. Maybe they will have a new antibiotic that really kills the things that cause these types of infections, rather than just driving them deeper into your head, where they simply lie dormant, causing chronic low level pain and low grade fevers. Maybe.

Maybe I will let them do the surgery this time. Maybe I will do the allergy testing. One good thing about being 31 is you are just starting to get a sense of your own mortality. And life is too short to continue to put up with this kind of pain.

But I don't get to go see my doctor until 01-17-04. I can't wait. In the mean time, I will be calling in sick to work to rest when the pain gets unbearable. I have already slept for over 12 hours today. Oh, here's another good description of the pain... when you wake up from sleeping and you have a sinus infection, if you don't move right away you don't feel it for a few seconds. It is the closest thing to heaven you can imagine. Then you have to open your eyes, and you get a little flutter of pain from inside your head when the first light hits. Then when you sit up and move to stand, you get a tidal wave of pain and pressure, followed hard upon by a wave of nausea and dizziness that makes you want to cry. And then you have to stuff that feeling down into the parts of yourself that you have set aside to deal with pain, and you press on. After all, no matter how much you might want to curl into the fetal position and die, your bladder still has to go to the bathroom. And that's no way for your boyfriend to find your body, anyway.

There is one spot of good news, today. My period finally started. Nine days late, but it is here. Thank God. One less thing to worry about. :)

That's all for now. Thanks for listening to me rant.

Love to all,

Sherry