I am grateful.
Today I am grateful and terribly humbled before the two people in my life who love me and have continued to offer their love and support to me, in spite of everything bad that is happening to me (and inside me) right now.
For Mom and Franz- both of you will never know how much your love means to me. Both of you will never know how much the fact that you are willing to support me through one of the hardest times in my life means to me. Thank you both for loving me and sticking with me.
I doubt I will be writing very much in the coming weeks. At least, not very much that is coherant or meaningful. I am trying to quit the antidepressant I have been taking for the last few years. I am weaning myself off of it, but it has not been easy. And I am not even half way through the pocedure, yet. I cry all the time. I can't sleep. I have all but lost my appetite- especially at night for some reason. I feel like my thoughts are bees buzzing around in my head. Like there is an electrical storm crashing around in my skull. I can't keep a train of thought on the tracks for very long. I guess that they call it "rumination." I call it hell.
All hail GlaxoSmithKline for making a drug that helps you immensely, but that is so hard to leave behind. And they say it's not addictive.
I am beginning to wonder who I will be without the Wellbutrin. I am beginning to wonder who I was... how much of it was me, and how much of it was the drug? I guess I will know in a few months.
Thanks again Mom and Franz. I love you both with all my heart, and whatever is left of my dopamine-enhanced addled mind.
Love to all,
Sherry
posted by Sherry @ 3:53 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Hi, This is Christian's friend Joanne.
Having just gone off of Paxil after 2 years (and a 3 year stint before that) I can quite honestly say that coming down SUCKS but the withdrawal ends in roughly a week. Hang in there.
You will like life post-meds. You will see that your emotional range is so much wider - the drugs, at least for me, shrink my emotional experiences to some safe insulated zone around the middle of the palette of possibilities (I call it 'numbing me out'.) Psych meds are fantastic things when they are needed and they certainly got me and many of my friends through some very bad times. The true challenge, however, is learning to exist without them.
My thoughts are with you. Read my entry 'drug addiction' here: http://21stdrew.blogspot.com/2004/08/drug-addiction.html
I had a most miserable time going off Paxil last time (exactly 2 years ago). And I went back on almost immediately - for several reasons, including a bad withdrawal. This time we weaned off VERY VERY SLOWLY. I started going off sometime in May and just took my last dose (only 5mgs...my top dosage was 30mg) about 2 weeks ago. I stopped feeling symptoms about a week ago. I totally recommend going AS SLOWLY as you need to. There is no need to rush and you will avoid any negative emotional/mental health consequences. The electric shocks are the worst part and mine were less severe this last time, when we tapered more slowly. Vertigo was a serious problem for me too. I tried to not make any major life decisions during the process, since my head felt out of my head. But in all, my most recent time going off was SO SO SO much better because we took it SO SO SO slowly (5mgs at a time and 2 weeks at each new dose). My symptoms were far less severe.
There is a whole group of people now suing GlaxoSmithKline because of the withdrawal and the lack of warnings. I think this is an extreme response - since the drugs are SO beneficial and SAVE LIVES all the time, but it gives a sense for the severity of the crap you experience going off.
Any more questions? E-mail CA for my e-mail. Or I'll keep reading the comments.
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