Fatigue and vague discontent....

So, it's almost 1 am right now. The condo is cool enough to go to sleep. I ate a little something to keep the nightmares away, but not too much- which would defeat the purpose. I don't know why my brain is saying, "I'm tired, but I don't want to (am afraid to?) go to bed."

Maybe it is something to do with the nightmare that had me waking up at 3 am, well, yesterday morning, now. I don't remember it at all, which is strange for me. But I had sweat completely through the sheets I was sleeping on and my heart and breathing were both racing. I have a feeling that I have Buddy to thank for waking me up, because he was there with his head on the matress breathing on me. Otherwise, who knows how long it could have lasted.

Also, there is this dull feeling of vague discontent that seemed to settle over the condo, as well as me and Franz, today. I am not sure what that is about either. Nothing in particular, just a random feeling that has lodged itself in my psyche for a few hours too long now.

I saw a hawk's feather lying on the ground in the park where I walk Buddy yesterday. Later on, a homeless man picked it up and shook it. I wonder if a hawk's feather is a portent of good or bad luck? Or something else all together? Wouldn't it be great if the Native Americans were right and you really could get all your daily answers about life, the future and other universal mysteries from signs and portents? A broken branch on a sturdy tree could warn you of impending danger. A white rabbit in a field at a certain hour of the morning could mean your wife was pregnant. A sparrow could tell you when someone close to you would die.

I bet they were right. I bet there is a hawk looking down on me who knows why I can't go to bed and why I feel slightly sad. I sure wish he could just tell me what he knows.

But I guess I have long forgotten how to listen.


Love to all,

Sherry